Desperation
by AlFlowerrise
Summary: "Lead the way, Alois Trancy, I stopped caring long ago." It was about following, it was about receiving, and Ciel craved it now, it had gone that far. — AloisCiel, Lemon


NA: First attempt on a lemon, sorry for the still novice quality, it was hard :) I don't own Black Butler

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><p><strong>Desperation.<strong>

"Lead the way, Alois Trancy, I stopped caring long ago." — AloisCiel

M

—

The bed stopped having its real purpose—for sleep—as soon as a certain Alois Trancy crawled up among tangled white sheets and piles of fluffy pillows to a person that stopped caring about this behavior a long time ago. It was difficult not to care, difficult to come to that conclusion, but if it was something Ciel wasn't it was stupid. He understood where this was going and he understood that neither he nor Alois wanted it to stop.

Ciel would never admit it out loud but he didn't want it to end. Not now. Alois was an idiot in many ways but his good qualities overweighed his bad. In short terms it was like this; as long as Alois had been a part of his life it had been a massive change in the positive aspect he couldn't—and wouldn't—ignore. A chance to see, to have what he never allowed himself to have before, to throw away his mask of reputation, solid honor and all things that slowly destroyed his life to shreds, and only be. Alois made him feel and despite of it being both good and bad and in the middle of the two—it was better than not feeling at all.

In the end, it was.

"Oh, Ciiiel, wake up," Ciel heard a muffed voice behind him, soft and gentle, like it always was in the birth of the mornings. With a groan, Ciel opened his blurry eyes and fetched in the morning light slipping in from the cracks of the window bind, mind wanting to place head against pillow and forget everything, heart desiring to have what yesterday's night had contained.

Mind and heart were not too unlike; the only difference was that the latter chose not to listen to logical reasoning.

Then again, nothing about this was logical. Ciel shouldn't be doing this but apparently he was. Alois' futile attempts had become not so futile anymore, no, it was quite the opposite—it was like Ciel soon forgot that Alois did this to anyone and naively believed it was solely for him.

It turned out to be both a mistake and bless.

"Go back to sleep, it's still early," Ciel huffed back and buried his face in the softness of previously mentioned pillows. He was not a morning person and it surprised him slightly that Alois was. Or maybe it was only now, nothing about this edged to normality anyways; maybe it was just to be expected.

"I don't want to," Alois replied where he sat behind Ciel's limp body, his shadow slowly crawling and covering pale skin. Ciel chose not to argue on that, arguing with Alois was like trying to break through a brick wall with bare fists, it led nowhere and it only hurt you to try. He was childish and naïve and it was such a shame that Ciel rather chose to fill up his wishes than trying to made him understand reality.

There were a lot of things he failed at when it came to Alois.

"I don't care," Ciel mumbled in his pillow, "you need to learn to listen to people, Trancy."

"Aw. Harsh you are. Don't worry though, I can give you a massage. Would you like that?"

"No," Ciel said, but the lack of force in his reply could—in Alois' world—likewise mean "yes."

"Haven't you heard," Alois continued and Ciel could feel his warm breath boom against his neck, "that people are horny in the mornings?"

"That's not an excuse to wake me up this early," Ciel told him, still refusing to turn around.

"Stoic, aren't we? Ah well, I guess I know how to make you melt, Ciel Phantomhive, after all, it's easier than you think it is." With that said, Alois took one of Ciel's feet in his hands and started to rub circles on the sole with gentle fingers. Ciel bit his lips in order to make his tickling-issues a little less prominent and forced every inch of his brain to _not _react positively on this. If he did, it would make Alois right and that was one thing Ciel couldn't accept. All this time, Alois had been the handler of this competition and if it was something Ciel disliked, it was lacking control of the situation.

Ciel chose to cut the conversation there. Pulling along the string only led him straight to subjects he didn't even want to touch and he found it easier to ignore and let Alois take command than trying to argue with him about this clearly _onesided _relationship.

Onesided in one aspect, not two. The slight difference made this float by with the tidal way to destination unknown.

Instead of dealing with Ciel's newfound silence, Alois seemed to have other plans. From leaving the sole of his foot and carefully rubbing his toes, Alois moved his fingers like spider's legs up against Ciel's own legs, covering the soft skin of his calves and continued the journey to his thighs. All this was covered in an extremely gentle pace which made Ciel fall into a blurry slumber, a mixture between delight and discomfort, split somewhere between logic and need.

Ciel buried his head deeper in the pillow's material but Alois' advanced attempts couldn't be pressed out from his pores without a reaction. Alois was here to stay and so was this uncanny, sexual relationship that had born and grown between them.

Why Alois off all people? he groaned for himself as Alois worked with the soft, milky skin of his legs, up and down, squishing it like dough in the kitchen. Just why?

"Don't try to say that you don't like this," Alois purred and quickly slipped his hands under Ciel's white nightgown before Ciel had any time to form a logical reaction, moving them over his ass to his back, sending tingles through every dot of his spine.

_Please. Just no. _

"Stop this. You are going too far. I'm calling Sebastian," Ciel threatened, not that he would, but he couldn't accept to be in this bottom centre for long and Sebastian was a key to change the odds.

Although Ciel couldn't see his face he could feel Alois' feature darken, which was quite common when people didn't follow his pointy finger through wind and fire. "You wouldn't do that."

"Trust me, I will," Ciel remarked dryly and pushed Alois away with one of his feet.

"You are boring, Ciel," Alois muttered, "you are lucky I still like you and want to be with you after that rude interruption."

"Care to explain your arguments of the 'I'm lucky' parts of this?" Ciel asked and made half a roll where he was, until he turned up on his back and could face Alois properly.

"No," Alois told him and twisted with his light lips, "because that would be too easy."

"What do you want with this, Trancy?"

"Easy. I want you. I want to win the game."

Ciel let out a sigh. "This isn't a game, Alois."

"I thought you liked games."

"If this is just a game for you—"

"No, it isn't!" Alois chimed, his mood-swings definitely was a spice that made this plate unfailing. For the first time this morning, Ciel could see Alois' face, and as usual, the mere sight of those two blue eyes and up-curled lips and white skin leaking out from wide shirt sleeves was enough to make blood run to inappropriate locations at the moment. The blond hair was messy and curled around that cute face and Ciel strained his lips to a thin line in order to prevent other expressions from escaping his face, which would give Alois an upper hand he couldn't have.

Alois' hands were still on Ciel's body, now busy with sliding bottoms through holes on his cotton shirt, from his throat down to his stomach, fast and methodical, and before Ciel could stop himself a yelp slipped out his thin lips and he tried shoving Alois from him.

"Not now!" he barked and Alois simply smiled at him.

"Why not? You want and I want. Listen, Ciel Phantomhive, if you want to keep that honor of yours uptight, too bad, it's already too late. You don't want to feel, you say, but you know what? You already do. You're a teenager, and a teenager has hormones. You have hormones and why not let them out as I'm here and willing to help you?" After this stupid speech Alois seemed tired of letting out his wisdom about 'teenage hormones' and chose to use Ciel's lack of reply as an invite to kiss him.

And the kisses. How Alois delicately pushed his wet tongue in between Ciel's lips and tasted on what he had inside—it made him almost burn up to flames. With clinging fingers in Ciel's hair and lips working back and forth, breath moist and hot, it made him succumb to everything he swore to leave aside. Alois was experienced—another fact that made Ciel want to detest him—and his kisses proved that. His kisses were more than kisses, it was like a part of him, belonged with him and managed to draw out Ciel's sanity and replace it with blurring nothingness that only craved more.

Ciel used to believe that emotions were petty. Emotions were an easy way to fall underground, to fail to see the logical solutions of harsh cases. To be who he was and to be able to move on from his dark childhood—this was the only solution he had. It was also the difference between him and Alois, because although Alois' life had not been easy, he chose to attack it otherwise. Ciel chose to built up his person sphere and push others out—Alois wanted love. Alois wanted love so much it became a hindrance for him. But now, where they were now, Alois neediness had infected Ciel like a resistant virus and this could only go one way from now own.

On and on and on.

Alois pushed his tongue deeper in Ciel's mouth, licking on his very essence, their mouths glued together with hot saliva and Ciel so enjoyed the fresh taste from Alois' toothpaste grace his own tongue, own mouth, his own. While their kisses continued to grow hotter and more passionate, Alois slipped Ciel's shirt off his shoulder and let his hands grace the bare chest, from his collarbones down to his stomach, rubbing soft skin, getting the sensation flood around in Ciel's body, from head to toe, and he could only follow—not input own will.

"My, you're even worse in the morning," Alois smirked between kisses and slipped warm fingers down Ciel's pants. "And I like it."

"Be quiet," Ciel ordered and unzipped Alois' own nightgown. It wasn't fair that Alois had this upper hand on him, it was time to even the odds in this never-ending struggle to fill the need of sexual tension. If this was necessary, it may as well be enjoyed to the fullest.

"Mm, sure, I can be that when you do this to me," Alois told him and tugged his fingers to Ciel's sensitive parts, making every cell squirm in the mixed sensation this gave him—it was too late to stop, too late to give in, he wanted everything and he wanted it now.

"I hate you, Trancy," Ciel let out, but it sounded more like a moan than a scowl, slipping out lacking all the intensity the words needed, it was a pleading, it was an invite.

And Alois took it.

While breathing hot into Ciel's face, curling lips fast and steady, pressing kisses on cheeks down to the throat in all the imagination that had been his signature, he pulled down Ciel's pants to his ankles and giggled quietly as Ciel gave respond, thin arms around his torso, lips leaning closer waiting for more to come. Alois was by no means a novice in this, so it was simplest to let him take command. Ciel hated to be used like this, it placed him down on his ranks to be undependable, but it was impossible to stop. It blossomed upwards, swam like morphine through blood to veins and it was because this was so unique, specified for him—wrong and yet so right.

"Want me to go on?" Alois asked and gently ran his hands at Ciel's side, forming sweaty skin in his hands, treating it like soft silk.

Ciel nodded. Resistance was futile—more so—he didn't want to stop. "Just do it."

Alois grabbed the invitation—how nonchalant it even was—and tilted his head forward, spine and neck stretched out in a slim curve, and took Ciel's cock in his mouth and started sucking.

It flooded and it swam. It twisted and it turned. Ciel squirmed and he screamed and he knew he was all too young to do these kind of things but too old to care about the consequences. While Alois did this he continued to squish Ciel's soft skin with his hands, from sides to stomach and Ciel tugged his own fingers at Alois' smooth chest and bit hard into his right shoulder. He placed his lips among the skin, sucking, licking, feeling the taste, embracing it at full speed.

"I—I," Ciel huffed and moved his head back, feeling his core grow hot and set to flames. It was too much and it was everywhere, crawling from the beginning to end, round and round.

Alois spoiled the fun, though, and stopped sucking. Not a surprise, but irritating all the same. "I'm not done with you yet."

Ciel's breath was heavy and fell to the sheets, eyes narrowed, eyelashes tickling. "What do you mean—"

"C'mon, are you dense?" Alois wanted to know and cupped one hand around Ciel's cheek, rubbing the flushed skin with his fingertips. "Giving you pleasure is one thing. But today I want to show you something else."

Before this "something else" came to action, there was still foreplay to be poured out from Alois' limitless tank. He quickly—not giving Ciel a chance to think and reason—wrapped his smooth legs around Ciel's waist, hard and strong, not giving escape a change, and almost made Ciel flinch with another kiss. Hands were everywhere, stroking, running, squishing and tugging, kisses melted their lips together with its hot sensation and moved downwards—mostly it was Alois and Ciel let him go. Let him give. Let him take. He had lost and he had won. The same and yet so different.

"Now," Alois said and licked over a nipple, "I want to fulfill this. I'm ready. And I have a present for you."

"Your presents," Ciel managed to yelp and kissed the loose skin on Alois' throat, "are not desirable."

"This time it is," Alois assured him and stretched out his arms to reach for the lubrication, "and stop trying to sound like you have control—you don't. You never have when it comes to me, Ciel. I have control and I use you. I use and I satisfy you. But don't worry—it's more than that."

Ciel silenced him with a kiss. He didn't want to hear about Alois' strange ways of looking at relationships and sexually. It gave Ciel doubts and he didn't want to doubt. As wrong as it felt to recognize that Alois' blunt explanation to this made Ciel feel bad—it was true. It felt wrong. He never wanted Alois to take the words in his mouth, he wouldn't give him a chance.

Not now.

"Turn over," Alois cooed in Ciel's ear and gently turned Ciel to get a better view on his backside. Before he opened the lube, he let his tongue and finger wander upwards of Ciel's spine, over skin and bone, making Ciel shiver, shaking, huffing and panting. Breathing became hard and fingers tugged hard to sweaty sheets—and they hadn't even started with the real sex yet.

It would kill him and he was ready for it. He was ready for this mistake that was spelled Alois Trancy.

Now.

Please.

"Now, Ciel," Alois continued and his voice had gone soft now, soft like feathers and Ciel felt fingers wander again where he laid flat on stomach in front of him. "Please, relax. This will hurt in the beginning but it hurts more if you are tense."

Ciel didn't answer—he didn't know how. Alois' changes of pace were irregular and it was no chance to learn the routine. Ciel never bothered, he just took what he had.

"Don't tell me what to—aaah." The cry was harsh and loud, the reputation and morality long lost, it was only now, it was only this. Alois' finger created a burning down in his ass, it pained hurt and felt like knives, but it was enjoyable, it was. Ciel clenched his teeth and clung hard to sheets, shutting eyes and whimpering, and while all this appeared inside him—Alois sweetly kissed his back and rubbed his cheek against it.

"It will be better, Ciel, I promise."

What's with this difference? Why was he sweet now? What did he want? Oh, no. Ciel couldn't concentrate, it was too much already, it made him spinning around.

"S-Stop it," Ciel hissed, "I c-can't take more."

"You want more," Alois told him and pulled out his fingers, wrapping his warm arms around Ciel's waist in a swift hug. The hug was oddly comforting, almost strange and it turned the whole meaning with it down the uncanny ride—how could he accept this when he couldn't even trust Alois? He couldn't. He never could.

"Please let me do it," Alois whispered and hugged more tight, lips forming a smile against the bones of his back. "I need to do it."

"Always the selfish one?" Ciel panted out, but couldn't prevent his lips from turning upwards, glad that Alois couldn't see it.

"What? It will be good for you too!" Alois huffed and seemed to be tired of being nice, he placed himself on top of Ciel, putting his legs close to Ciel's side, before finally entering him with a roll of his hips and gasp from his lips.

It was both amazing and terrible. At the same time. They walked alongside and it created a memory. That was all to know and all to ever know.

The biggest issue was that Ciel couldn't relax and it made the pain took over and gain reign over this whole act. But then again, who excepted him to relax in a time like this? The situation at whole left him exposed, vulnerable, soft and weak and everything he swore he couldn't have—and let Alois do—and it inhibited the pleasure. It did and Alois repeated that while keep pushing inside and Ciel couldn't take it.

After a while, it changed. The trusts became dripped in indulgent, rising and spreading, and Ciel cried out on top of his lungs capacity, sweat rolled down every inch of his frame, heart pounded like it was to escape his ribcage and climax was soon to be there. It was so easy to come, to let Alois take him there—too easy and it was a sin and bliss in an odd mix. Alois knew what he did and he knew how he did this and for longer this went on—harder it would be for Ciel to say no.

To stop. He didn't want to stop. Stopping was not a part of the decision.

"Alois, oh God, I—"

"More," Alois echoed and placed his palms firmly on his back, "I want to hear you. Hear everything, my Ciel."

"Hhnn, oh, oh!"

Sin, sin, sin. Burning sin. Burning and rising. Licking his core, licking his sanity. Burning away. More, more.

"More," Ciel yelped out, "I'm close."

And when it went for him, it colored his world.

No one that hadn't been in this situation could know what sex was. Sex took over and sex took control. Ciel was no different, even if he wanted to be. Sex with Alois—every time with Alois—went along the same road, it started and ended with pleasure that was too good to be thrown away. Ciel didn't care if this was rape—what this even was—for as long as he received it, it made him see, made him feel, made him understand.

"See," Alois smirked and carefully laid down on Ciel's side, hair blond and disheveled, pink flushed and clearly alive, "that was amazing. Admit it."

Ciel didn't.

"It was for me," Alois continued and gently moved his fingers through Ciel's blue hair, curling the strands around his fingers, "and I want to do it again. I want you, Ciel, I know it more every day."

Ciel wasn't much for amorous trinket and Alois knew this. Admitting the truth out loud was like giving up and Ciel would never sink that low. But Alois knew a couple of things now and, because of this, this would go on. Alois refused to give up, he refused to let go and listen to logical reasoning and although it was pathetic to admit; Ciel treasured it.

Ciel didn't treasure Alois in person but he treasured what he did to him.

His sex made him boil and his tender touches made him melt. It was all he needed, all that was worth to have.

"Alois, you bloody fool," he muttered. "My butt are gonna hurt the whole day now."

"Aw, not a problem, you can stay in bed and snug with me today," Alois suggested and continued to play with Ciel's hair.

"That was your plan, wasn't it?"

"Want me to be honest with you? No." Alois smiled. "It's because I want you."

The answer was so out of character—Alois always had a plan for everything he did—that Ciel chose for the moment—just this moment—to believe him.

Just for now.

—

fin


End file.
